Thursday, March 08, 2007

Declarative Statements

I am happy to provide dairy-free snacks and meals for my daughter at school, playdates, parties, and any other social events for the rest of her life.

I do not expect You, Parent of Katherine's Classmate, to provide a dairy-free snack for your child's school birthday party. This is why we keep dairy-free cupcakes in the school freezer.

If You would like to provide a dairy-free snack, as the teacher has been encouraging people to do, I will be happy to give You a list of easy options with a small margin of error: Popsicles, Jello, fruit snacks, dairy-free cake mix You can find at the local grocery.

If You bring a snack and assure me You purchased all of the ingredients I recommended, and I let Katherine eat it, and she has a mild allergic reaction, this is MY FAULT. I should never cave under guilt or social pressure if my gut is telling me not to let Katherine eat something. I do not hold You responsible. However, if You are standing there watching her face break out in hives and her eyes swell shut while I panic, I would really appreciate an "I'm sorry." Not because it is your fault but because this is one of those niceties that greases the wheels of society. I know this might not make sense to You, but please try it. We are going to be seeing a lot of each other the next 13 years, and it would really help me out.

Just Added:
If You show up with cake baked from a mix I have never purchased, or a homemade something about which I cannot verify the ingredients, I will not let my daughter eat it. If You see this as rude, I'm sorry. (You see what I did there? Even though I'm really not sorry?)
I don't appreciate Your efforts.
I wanted You to go to a lot of trouble and expense for nothing.
I think it's funny to send people to the natural foods store.
I will let Katherine try it, just to see.


  1. This was such an informative post. My kids have always had at least one food-allergic child in their classes, and I always fumble about what is the best way to be about it. This post gave me a really clear view of what it's like to be the parents of the food-allergic child. Also, great idea to keep safe cupcakes all set to go in the school freezer.

  2. Thanks, Swistle. It's not quite as calm and detached as I was hoping for, but it's the best I can do at the moment.

  3. In Ben's Kindergarten class, each kid is responsible for the snack one week out of the year. When his teacher told me this, one of the first things I asked was, "Are there any food allergies I need to be aware of?" She didn't know, but said she'd get back to me, which she never did. Maybe there are no kids with allergies in Ben's class. Maybe there are, but like you, the mom of said kid provides non reaction-inducing snacks. Still, I found the teacher's behavior a little lacking. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I was the teacher in this situation, I'd have to be 100% sure that the snack was ok - so I'd tell the mother of the birthday kid that, while it was very kind of her to go to so much effort to include everyone, liabilities prevent me from allowing (allergic child) to eat your snack - even if that is a load of crap. But it shouldn't be. Really, the teacher is responsible for what goes down in the classroom. Just my opinion, and that is what I'd do if I were a teacher again.

  4. Thank you for the teacher's perspective, Theflyingmum. Our church's nursery has a no dairy, eggs, or peanuts rule, and the director does use liability as her reason. :) This latest incident with Katherine caused her teacher to change the rule at school to no homemade baked goods for allergic children, ever. There are just too many variables.

  5. gosh when i was a kid it was sara lee cupcakes, all the time, very time. i'm so glad to see there are more options A and B that you, Ms No Whey are modeling such great behaviour for your child so she can grow up and advocate for her needs herself!

    don't cave to that darn social pressure, it's tempting and you may sometimes but keeping fighting the great fight!

    and thank you for the link. have you been to, she's got good info on there as well.

    best, allergic girl!

  6. Hi, Allergic Girl! Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I love, and Alisa has been kind enough to publish some of my recipes.