Thursday, April 12, 2012

Anatomy of a midlife crisis


  • Stop continuously gestating and nursing for the first time since 2005.
  • Get some uninterrupted sleep.
  • Read books and blogs on decluttering and selling items to earn money.
  • Clean childrens' rooms, packing up clothing for children #3 and #4.
  • Realize that hall closet is full of 10 years of hand-me-downs.
  • Decide to tackle hall closet.
  • Attempt to make rational decisions about outgrown baby and toddler clothes.
  • Cry while sorting clothing.
  • Drive around with baby clothes in the van for a week.
  • Recall every single time a mother with older children tells you how much she misses this time.
  • Be terrified that this actually IS the best time in life and it's all downhill from here.
  • Realize that before long you will be blue-haired widow in front pew at church. [Husband: "Wait--I'm dead in this scenario?  That is depressing."]
  • Have breakdown at bible study.
  • Have friends bring you a CDP the next day that includes a framed photo of your children with a beautiful quote.
  • Cry, causing wisea** friends to say, "Yeah, we just wanted to make you cry again,"  to make you laugh.
  • Walk around fully aware of EVERY MOMENT like old ladies in the grocery store always tell you to be for about a week.  
  • Cry over every thing--even not cute things--your children do.
  • Realize that people CANNOT LIVE like this without going insane.  
  • Want to be back in fuzzy haze of day-to-day routine and survival.
  • Hate raw feeling of every emotion being exposed and being hyper-aware that children are growing up and away from you.
  • Listen to mother's wise words about how, even if you could, keeping children in their current states isn't fair to them and doesn't let them develop into their full selves.
  • Let mother point out good relationship people can have with adult children *cough*you are calling your mother for help right now at the age of thirty-seven*cough*.
  • Ride out the feelings for another week.
  • Have husband ask you if you want more children.
  • Answer that what you really want is to go back in time to when your kids were babies and relive things without being so tired and hormonal.  Husband: "...Wow."
  • Work on building even better relationships with these kiddos right here! instead of being sad about the babies being gone.
  • Panic about what you are going to be when you grow up.
  • Decide that can wait for another day.
  • Go to funeral of beloved relative.
  • Have beloved great-aunt talk to you about how it's hard to be one of the ones left behind.
  • Have minor panic attack.
  • Realize you are not in control of what happens and can only do the best you can.
  • Resolve to exercise more.

10 comments:

  1. Oh, thank you! I couldn't figure out how to put it into words but THIS! THIS is what I've been going through too!

    I just keep telling myself that it must get better because the women who are about 5 years ahead of me in this process are not pining away and actually seem....happy!

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  2. As soon as I had my last baby (less than a year ago!) I had the same feeling and started to look forward to being a grandmother. At 38! Gah! Because that's the only way to get MORE! BABIES!

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  3. This: •Answer that what you really want is to go back in time to when your kids were babies and relive things without being so tired and hormonal. Husband: "...Wow."

    Yes yes yes.

    I am going to a baby shower this weekend. I bought a gift similar to one that was bought for me when the boys were babies. A Lamaze toy dog with crunchy ears and rattly feet. It was Mark's very favourite toy. Then I bought a cloth book, with those crunchy pages and a little finger puppet attached. Similar item was Jake's favourite toy. I bought those things, took them home, looked at them, and cried.

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  4. And and, when I go back in time, I want to know them like I know them now but be able to hold them as babies. Scott: "That's messed up." :)

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  5. Oh you poor thing! Big, big, BIG hugs!

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  6. * Wonder if it's too soon for hormone replacement therapy?

    YES. I just had a baby,and I'm ALREADY missing her being a baby! How messed up is THAT?

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  7. Sending you hugs!

    Not sure it will help, but it gets better. I've been there and know how you feel, but as times goes on things change. It will get better.

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  8. Oh, I have gone through SO MANY ITEMS on this list. I know a little bit how you feel, sister. Big, big hugs.

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  9. This, soulmate, made me LOL (as they say): "Realize that before long you will be blue-haired widow in front pew at church. " Sigh.

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