Crayons, Church Ladies, and Communion

First things first: yes it is January 2008, and yes, I am still pregnant. The due date is the 26th and I've always been induced before at 40+ weeks, so simmer down now. Although if you feel like sharing any home induction tips, please feel free. I will not hold you in any way responsible for what does (or does not) happen.

Secondly, what do you do with a load of non-chlorine-bleach-only lights that somehow went through the dryer with a toddler's brand-new, jumbo-sized, orange crayon? I mean, hypothetically. "Sit down and cry" is the best option I've come up with so far, but I'm happy to entertain other suggestions. Bonus points for those who know how to clean all of the wax out of the dryer.

I haven't been to church in a couple weeks, so yesterday I got the full-on smile-knowingly-at-the-pregnant girl (Trust me, in this group of folks, I am a baby) treatment from the church ladies, as well as the what-are-you-still-doing-in-that-condition-yuk-yuk treatment from their husbands. Our seminary intern decided to really drive the point home with an Epiphany sermon about the magi that began, "I'm sure we all know a young couple who is expecting a baby...." Gee, thanks. Let me just wrap things up by waddling down the aisle collecting the offering so everyone can smile and make "big belly!" gestures at me. That'd be swell.

On the plus side, I finally procured a copy of the church's top secret communion bread recipe! (Of course I'll share it with you.) We've been waiting to find out the ingredients so we know whether or not it's safe for Katherine to start taking communion. Church Lady Number One told me that it is safe when the volunteers follow the recipe, which she and Baker Number Two apparently do. Baker Number Three (whose name Number One would not reveal) likes to mix things up and use cinnamon cake mix in place of the cake flour called for in the recipe. So the communion bread is safe for Katherine when it is white, but NOT when it is khaki. Number One will talk to Number Three, but she can't promise anything. Ah, the intrigue.

Here's the recipe, which I have never made. Some of the directions are a bit...vague, but they're what I was given.

Dairy-Free Communion Bread, courtesy of Tower Presbyterian Church

2 1/4 cups egg whites
4 1/2 t. baking powder
3 cups flour
3 cups cake flour (or dairy-free cake mix!)
3/4 cup shortening
2 1/4 cups sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and line pans with waxed paper. (What pans? I have no idea. Jelly roll/cookie sheet pans, I'm guessing.)

Beat egg whites (For how long? No idea.), add sugar, then shortening, then flours and baking powder.

Spread a layer on each cookie sheet and loaf pans. (How many? I dunno. However many you find in the church kitchen, I guess.)

Bake until the bread starts to brown on the edges, approximately twenty minutes.

Turn out and pull off waxed paper. Trim off edges and cut while still warm. (Apparently this is very important.)

According to Church Lady Number One, this makes enough communion bread for three Sundays, two services a Sunday (or approximately 150-200 people per Sunday).